Jihad Funtime
by Abu Musab Al Zarqawi
Former Senior VP, Al Qaeda In Iraq
cheap jordan sneakers Yo brosephus, what crackalackin with the booty smackin Longtime no fatwa. Like what it been, 5 years? Yeah, I know, I got cheap Air max shoes a whole inbox full of emails from you cheap jordans sale infidel fags all like, “yo Zark, holla at a playa, how Cheap jordans that paradise shit workin out witchu?” And by the way, you can stop sending me them stupid LOLgoat pictures, I seen all. Listen chump, ain got time for your internet jibber jabber, or twitter twatter, or whatever that latest cheap jordans online earth shit is. And stop asking me to friend you up on FagBook to play MafiaWars or Cowville and all that gayass computer shit. Yo cuzz, gots bigger problems. cheap jordan sneakers
cheap jordans free shipping Let me help you out son: this paradise resort is a straightup kick in the dick. I ain playin cheap jordans for sale with you holmes, this shithole is worse than the Ramadi Inn during Taliban convention week. Yeah, I know it supposed to be Allah own 5 Diamond eternal reward getaway, peace be upon him, blah blah blah. But for fuck sake, can he afford to hire a better staff? Look, don like to bitch, but if these fuckers don give me a room upgrade real soon I got half a mind to drop them a nasty rating on Priceline. cheap jordans free shipping
Yeah, I got all the brochures. The all you can eat buffet, the beach volleyball, the 24 hour poontang room service. But every time I cheap jordans china ask about it, that fat sunburned asshole cheap jordans shoes desk manager Lou is all like, “oh, I sorry Mister Zarqawi, that part of the property is currently under repairs.” And then he starts laughing again like some damn idiot and stabs me right in the nutsack with a frickin pitchfork. Customer service, my ass. Even the fire alarms don work in this dump.
cheap air force And don get me started on their “famous 72 flavor virgin menu.” Cuzz, I ain had no snappa in so long my nards look like a pair of bearded 5 pound plums. Not that I experiencing lack of nookie, though. Wordlife cracka, the last 5 years has been one non stop muthafuckin prom night. With as prom queen. I guess it wouldn be so bad if my goddamned mystery dates bought me a corsage once in a while. Or if they didn uses cheese graters as condoms. cheap air force
cheap nike shoes So yeah, I guess you could say this paradise shit has not really lived up to expectations. The worst thing is the stankass overcrowding. You think shitty word of mouth might slow down business, but every day there a new dump truck full of fresh shaheeds showing up, courtesy the Great Satan crusader travel agents. It the entertainment high point of my day, watching all them headshot horny dumbass noobs asking for their free cooch, right before the resort counselors march them to the flaming cesspit for their orientation session. And that another thing. Come on Allah flaming cesspits in paradise? Srsly? cheap nike shoes
Cheap jordans Where was I yeah, the overcrowding. Instead of finding vacancies in some other resort for all these overbooked new assholes, you know what the management does? They fucking make us room up with them, even though the contract specifically says “private accomodations w/ shared foot washing facilities.” For reals, just the other day even I got a new roommate. On Tuesday the bellhop let him into the room just as I cleaning up the cheap jordans for sale sulfur from my AM prom date. So I like, “WTF, man? Didn you see the Do Not Disturb sign?” And the bellhop just gives me the finger with his tail and says, “say hello cheap jordans free shipping to your new eternal bunkmate.” And then the mouthy little fucker holds out his cloven hoof like I supposed to pay him a tip! When I refused the asshole dick punched me and slammed the cage door. Cheap jordans
So I bent over from the dick punch, and I look up at the new roomie and he kind of mumbling quietly. Maybe because half his face was shot off. Big tall muthafucker with a ZZ Top beard full of seawead and shit, and a swordfish spike through his head. So I like, “what you looking at, no face?” and laid him out with another dick punch.
cheap yeezys “You in the top bunk, bitch,” cheap adidas I said. Yeah, even in paradise the keeps his pimp hand strong. cheap yeezys
cheap adidas Even before he could get up off the floor, cheap nike shoes the camp activities directors came into the room and drug Mumbles off for his “morning calisthenics.” Now, mind you, paradise ain been no Club Med for the, but I still wouldn trade places for Mumbles. For whatever reason the whole staff had decided to make him their special bitch. When they dumped him back in the room it was obvious he gotten the whole Round the Paradise special the Yemeni Bow Tie, the Damascus Carwash, the Cairo Bundt Cake, the Bagdhad Chili Dog, the Mecca Brown cheap jordans on sale Sock, you name it. Hell, I been here 5 years and I ain had half the dance card Mumbles experienced in in his first day. cheap adidas
cheap jordans online Good thing ain got that sympathy shit you infidels are cursed with, or I missed the best muthafuckin laff riot I had since I got to paradise. In fact I was beginning to think my luck was turning around and that Allah had sent me Mumbles as my cheap jordans in china own personal skit comedy show. But then the stupid fucker starts screaming and crying underneath that facemeat, and the stupid noise starts driving me nuts. So I dickpunched him again, but that only made it worse. cheap jordans online
cheap jordans sale At this point I rather get another prom date than another minute of this faceless fuck crying. So I like, “why don you shut the fuck up bitch, and text me what you got to say.” I give him my cell number, and then he whips out his cheap air force Blackberry and starts texting with his brokeass thumbs. cheap jordans sale
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“Pakistan? Fuck that shit, Isaba,” I said. “That dump is cheap jordans from china worse than here.”
cheap jordans on sale But just then, like fwip fwip fwip, a bunch of goddamn Navy SEALs from Team Satan drop in on ropes, superspy style, and I like shhhhhhit. Those crazyass muthafuckers tracked us down to paradise, and without a warrant. cheap jordans on sale
cheap jordans china And then, to top it all off, my new roommate Isaba grabs me and uses me as a human shield. I mean, WTF dude, that my move! Didn make any difference, because right on cue, pa papp pa papp, Team Satan double taps the the both of us. And then www.umjordanshoes.com zwip zwip zwip, up the ropes they go again. cheap jordans china
Lemmee ask you something, playa. You ever had a.223 full metal jacket migraine? There ain enough Tylenol in paradise for that shit, even if they had Tylenol in paradise.
cheap air jordan So it been pretty much like that here since Mumbles showed up. Every day, it calisthenics, fwip fwip fwip SEAL time, human shield time, pa papp pa papp, zwip zwip zwip, Excedrin headache 1. Just like that infidel movie of yours, Groundhog Day, except you really don want to know what they use the groundhogs for. Trust me. cheap air jordan
cheap jordans shoes I almost be able to take this martyrdom angelhood shit if it wasn for Mumbles, who is driving me nuts with his stupid faceless crying and stupid escape plans. I keep telling the stupid douchebag, it a waste of time trying to run from Team Satan. Like they said in another infidel movie: ever time a SEAL rings, an angel brain will sting. cheap jordans shoes
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